God spends more time humbling me than I like to admit. These past few days have not been easy ones. Everything that could go wrong, has gone wrong. This morning I felt so dejected and frustrated with the impossibility of all the wrong things happening. But this whole time God has been brutally- though lovingly- showing me that the things I want aren’t always what I need.
I am ashamed at how consumed I can be with petty issues. I am constantly reminded how unlike Jesus I am. This week, I have been beyond ungrateful. But thankfully, I serve a God who chased after me in the midst of my wandering, and continues to do so. I can’t begin to describe what it feels like to know that I am loved so unconditionally.
He’s proven to me that miracles do happen and renewal is possible and that every bad thing, from the most trivial to the most traumatic, will work out for our good and for His glory. There is so much tragedy and evil in this world. There is so much healing and renewal in this world too.
Sadly, we tend to only focus on the tragedy. As I have spent this afternoon and evening baking and preparing for Thanksgiving tomorrow, I have been convicted deeply of how ungrateful I truly am. I don’t say this to put myself down, but I say this because I spend so little time looking inward to see the brokenness in my soul. It’s why one of my favorite prayers is, “Lord, help my unbelief.”
I then watched this video where the Eagles of Death Metal recount what happened at the Bataclan. It is painful to listen to. Yet after finishing the video, I have never been so thankful for the fact that I am still breathing. That I will wake up tomorrow and have a happy day with friends. That I am not mourning the loss of a loved one or trying to make sense of experiencing tragedies that so many, in Paris and around the world, are working to make sense of. I will never understand evil. I will never be able to make sense of why I get to sleep safe tonight and others will not. To be honest, I never want to make sense of it- it is senseless by nature. But renewal is the very nature of the Gospel. In everything, God makes things new. You see that evident through the members of Eagles of Death Metal.
I am so thankful for things I can’t begin to describe. I hope to never forget this.