There’s several moments in life when we’re in what can only be labeled at limbo. It’s the in-between place that forces us to rely on absolutely nothing because nothing is certain. I think God allows us to be in limbo to get down to the very root of who we are. Now perhaps that’s not the case with every in-between time, but it certainly is when it comes to the major things.
I’m stuck in the in-between of looking for a summer job. It’s a scary place because a necessity this summer is to save up money in order to pay for things when I move to Pittsburgh. While I am trying to trust God in this, there’s a very big difference between saying that you trust him and actually doing it. It’s an abstract concept that easily leads to confusion and misunderstood conversations.
But is knowing still trusting? I’ve been learning lately that faith isn’t just a feeling. It’s an action. It’s knowing. While I might not “feel” that God is there, He still is there. So I want to believe that I am trusting him in this. I hope that I am because abstract concepts take awhile for me to hold on to. Maybe that’s why faith and religion and God become so muddled by us humans. They are abstract. They are difficult to understand. In fact, if we were able to understand God completely than He would be no better than the statues that the ancient Egyptians worshipped.
I also love that I don’t understand. I love that the more I learn about God, the more complex He becomes. Otherwise He would lose his impact on me. It’s kind of like when you come across a song that speaks to you. So you listen to it nonstop for days. Slowly it loses its affect. While you still enjoy the song. It no longer has a hold on you. You move on to something else. God is the opposite.
I’ve been reading in Genesis lately and the God in that book makes absolutely no sense to me. He creates Adam and Eve, then they sin and open their eyes to good and evil, and what does God do? He makes them clothes out of animal skins. Even though he has the right to destroy them, he clothes them. This proves to me that even though he punished Adam and Eve, he is still inherently good. He loved them even though they disobeyed. He clothed them.
Then he destroys the whole world in a flood.
My only conclusion to this is that God must know something that we don’t. We see good and evil, we associate bad things happening with evil and happy things with good. But what if it doesn’t work like that? What does God understand that we don’t and have no capacity to understand?
This is why, even with doubts, I believe in God and know that He loves me, even though I fail so often to love him. I am content with not knowing a lot of things. I wonder what the world would be like if we took one day and simply stopped striving to understand everything and just sat on our porches to watch the leaves dance in the wind. How beautiful that day would be.