I think that we are all well aware of the phrase, “Hold your tongue!” I don’t know if everyone else hears that in the voice of an aristocratic elderly British woman or if that’s just me. But I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the idea of being conscious of what I say. Of not letting my words put others down or negative. I’ve realized, though, that this shouldn’t stop with just what I say.
If the majority of people could hear a running transcript of my thoughts, I would be utterly ashamed. Though I try to not be mean in my head, it’s not something I succeed at. I have mean thoughts. I have judgmental thoughts. And while it’s honestly not possible to not think something before you think it (that would be paradoxical and a little creepy), I can be more aware of my thoughts and stop negative or judgmental ones from continuing.
A lot of this trial and error consists of me asking God for forgiveness. I don’t think I’ve ever sat through a church sermon on forgiveness in which the pastor talks about asking for forgiveness for the things we think that are wrong or mean. Sure in the Bible Jesus says that thinking lustfully about someone is committing adultery in your heart (and you hear that a lot in church), but I think that admitting that your thoughts are worse that your actions is a super personal and vulnerable thing.
I’m really bad at knowing when something is too personal (some of the time). One example is that I don’t really understand the taboo of asking about people’s salaries. I know that some people don’t want to seem like they are better or are embarrassed, but when I want to know, it’s because I have a scientific curiosity- and I say scientific, but I have the tendency to view interactions with others in a very logical and “left-brained” way.
I think that if we (by “we” I kind of mean Christians) viewed our internal thoughts the same way we viewed verbalizing those thoughts, we would be more honest about our desperate need for saving. And I think that would reflect in our interactions with others even more so than only outwardly seeming like we are being kind or loving… I think the world would notice that difference.